Sea of Cowards

Judith, I hope this letter finds you and your eyes can find these letters that I’ve found. Sam, I’ve always made mistakes like this. Digging up things that should be left in the ground. This letter will be “old” some day, rear up, rush open and break your heart. I know, believe me, my shelves are full of them. Have you noticed that forest fires get started by looking too hard Well I’ve noticed that forest fires dont go out by looking at them. They seem to walk toward you at a faster pace. I try to watch them on television these days. They say “psychic drag” doesn’t work through TV. The world is the ocean and the land is wet. But my mouth goes dry every time i get the feeling i was taught to swim for all the wrong reasons. Circus lions seem to laugh at me, even though I paid My money like everyone else. Well your’e not like everyone else. Be glad the lion laughed, it’s rather rare. There is nothing of the sort documented in the encyclopedia or anywhere else. To get applause is to be ridiculed. It’s true when your’e a child. But is it still true when you’re a man? When you were a teenager. Did it feel better? I felt better. I didn’t know no better. Cracks in the kitchen, suitcases on the porch. A lot of things were different when i returned. My window was broken and the graffiti on the wall said “Go Home”. But I was home, wasn’t I? Was my language lost? Were my lungs broken? Had my mind hardened? My tooth loosened? Did I leave my heart at one of those doctors? Uptown, downtown, some town somwhere along the way the long way there? Things change. There’s nothing in those suitcases, it’s all in the cracks. To remember, To be a member, to be remembered To terrify, and be terrifying, to be teriified. To wake up. Plants grow up, why can’t I? Help a younger brother Stand up and survive. You gotta feed the meter a dime a dollar, give it water, call someone “father”, confess like a daughter, bleed to be smarter. Then you will grow up. A chain gets dragged across an iron floor and not A sound is made because i can’t hear any more It’s beautiful watching the bridges we’ve burned turning into boats. One day I’ll sail over, crossing my heart like a river, and you will get my jokes. A mother and father wait by the phone, nobody Returns, on the wall a picture of home I’ve forgotten you at times, but it doesn’t mean i don’t love you most of all. To eat rich and risk death and write with bricks And beat walls I try not to lean for long or think too hard about all the things I’m not allowed to do. Because I will want to do them then. And I will do them then. And I will burn just then. And guilt will still be someone elses word in someone else’s world. goats have it better, no speed, all fodder All responsibility lies in the rooster but hens Lay eggs and eggs break the game wide open And the bull will charge and take charge and flatten the cat and all bets will be off and the iron gates will shut, and be shut up for night, then shut for good, all hope will be lost, for 9 months at best, until the next bull fighter is born. Remember when we found mud and tried to give The mud to the nuns? Yes. They weren’t interested. And what a shock that was. We’d always thought they’d be eternally interested. An american truck drove by too fast and ripped off one of My arms. There’s nothing more thrilling than a bus going 90 on an american highway, your axels threatening to break in two. The truck stop is a mockery of soured love I am a foster child. Not anymore. Teeth get counted, stored, cleaned, shown, and bite down Hard upon anything that exists to be broken and bitten. Those who seek illness in the roots of health are perverted without being charming. There’s nothing a matter with being perverted as long as you are chaming. Please stop by if you are ever around. I will. But you know as well as i do. Accidents are derived from mythology. If I come, it will be completely on purpose. My light will be direct. So through the night. - Judith love sam kay