INFLUENCE

Manipulation
I don't know what it's like to manipulate other ppl. Sometimes I wish that it was a skill that I possessed. But let me tell you - I am getting better at it. I am learning to use my wiles. An example - Daryl. I know that I can get free/cheap things out of him. So I do. Do I feel bad about it? Maybe a little, but think of all the money I'm saving.

Intimidation
I intimidate one or more of my teachers. I am that good. Or that serious about what I do. My painting teacher def looks scared of me sometimes, and often you can tell that she is thinking about what she says very carefully before she says it to me. and she has that look. The look that you get when you are trying to read the other persons expressions and personality to play with it so that the two of you can cope. She is trying.

The Threat
Another skill that I recently learned - it goes along with the womanly wiles - Making others feel uncomfortable saying something that is not at all awkward. I was talking to this guy that is in one of my classes and he was trying to tell me something. I guess my face showed no expression or recognition - which really I was just listening to him and waiting for him to finish talking. But he got really awkward and suddenly stopped talking and then said something like - "awkward." and in my head I was thinking - how is this awkward? who in this general area is feeling awkward? certainly not me. I was feeling confident. def channeling some karen o. but this poor soul was threatened by me. heheheh.

The Miscommunication
This final one goes with having red hair. Apparently all red heads look alike. How unobservant can you be to believe this statement? So I was walking through the Grand Atrium to run to my car to get my fucking Bible for NT. btw it is fun now that I have a cool group. so I was walking through this large open area - just me walking to the parking garage and some dude walking in the opposite direction. Generally when you see someone in this area and you do not know them you look in the opposite direction and pretend to not see them/be lost in thought, or play on your phone - in my case pretending to text someone so as not to use up my texts for the month or bother any of my friends, or in cases that you fail at these 2 options and you make eye contact you either give a warm smile or a challenging stare. - the stare is a bit risky. This is a small university and ppl have friends. So I was walking through, I made eye contact with this kid far away - bad move already. I tried to play it off -I was looking all around trying to avoid eye contact. In doing so I accidentily caught his eye again. I got out my phone and opened it to start my texting strategy. Just as I was looking down I noticed through my parifs that there was movement beside me. unusual movement. The dude and I were now somewhat even with one another and he was waving. waving. wildly. I looked over with him and saw that he was clearly waving at me. He was smiling and mumbling something like "hi hows it going?" I looked uncomfortably back at him, giving him a smile so as not to be a bitch. but my face totes said - what are you doing? who the fuck do you think I am? I have never seen you. - and that is what I was thinking. Clearly this guy was mistaken and thought I was someone else - someone else with red hair. And I had to respond to his wave also because he might end up hating this chick whoever she might be bc she did not respond to his hello. plus i responded cause he looked like a fool. but I ended up embarrassed and feeling foolish. as I reached the door my eyes were watering I was so embarrassed. maybe this guy knows a little influence strategies of his own. to which I say - kudos, kudos to you fool.

I have a stalker

It is not Gail. or any of the craigslist trannys/guys. i don't think. Well, I wouldn't be surprised if it was someone from craigslist who stalked me over to the park to abduct me. ok i'd be a little surprised.

anyway.
I was working with my new test (yuck) group (yay!) and we were filming in the park. one thing led to another and we were invited to a party.

a very sketch party.
Danielle and I went. What a bunch of creeps and weirdos, in addition to some really cool people. but sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. especially if you've had a few drinks in you. and especially when you are in a hightened social situation in which you are blinded by certain things - Kath was telling me about this psychological thing.

we didn't mean to stay as long as we did. we planned on just popping in before our movie. but we both loved the attention we were getting. and we were too drunk to drive. and i am not stupid enough to drive drunk.

well it was in the course of the evening that I got my stalker.

he who has sent me numerous texts that i have not responded to. and he who has now started to call me to which i will not answer my phone. dude, if i don't answer your texts, back off. do not try and call.

here is an example of what his voice mail to me sounded like -

http://melodymaker.posterous.com/the-reason-some-girls-stay-single-very-funny

right now i need to send him a very direct text. though i am low on my texts for the month and i would prefer to just avoid him. and i know he will text back. ps he is a reason why i am low on my texts - the tool. and if anyone wants to read them i have kept them in my phone for the sake of good stories. and i think i still have the v mail.

The Executioner's Wife

this is legit so beautiful




The Executioner’s Wife

With a low, “THUD,” the executioner’s axe hit the hardwood surface beneath the once continuous neck of his victim. The blade of the axe made yet another scar in the wood which the blood almost instantly investigated, just as it did after every formation of a new scar. The executioner watched as the blood sprayed from the neck of his victim onto his axe and flow down onto the wood. He lifted his axe from the wood with force and wiped it off, ending his day with only one decapitation.

Mary chopped potatoes with her small stiletto and added them to the cast iron cauldron of stew. Her husband, the executioner, would be home shortly and she was preparing dinner. After adding her ingredients, she sat back down and began her embroidery. She effortlessly wove the needle in and out of the fine fabric, and almost immediately created beauty from nil.

The executioner walked through the door and placed his axe next to the door, and Mary, slightly startled, stood up quickly and dropped her needlework onto the floor. She bent her head down, left the fabric, and greeted her husband with an embrace. Her soft and sensitive hands passed over his strong and dense muscles. His thick arms easily but reluctantly surrounded his wife. They released and he sat at the table. She served the stew, sat at the table, and they enjoyed dinner and conversation with one another.

After finishing dinner, they retired to their bedroom. Mary reached the bed first and lay on her back; her husband climbed on top of her as he always did. He began rhythmically thrusting, as deep as he could go, as shallow as he could go. Mary felt some pain but nowhere near as much as the first weeks of their marriage. Earlier in the marriage she recalled watching a stallion mounting a mare and thrusting in the same manner. They finished, and he rolled onto his back. Mary laid her dainty hand on his chest, and she whispered words of passion and love.

The executioner lay numb, he felt confused by the feelings his wife was verbalized. He thought of the man kneeling with his neck exposed and vulnerable. He thought of the day in front of him: three criminals. Mary never heard exactly what her husband thought or even experienced in his day, but before she sliced any potatoes on this day, she attended the public execution. She witnessed the executioner work, and later welcomed him home.

She sat in bed, thinking, imagining the sight she had seen earlier the same day. She slowly crawled from bed after what seemed like hours. The executioner remained still in bed, breathing deeply and heavily. She sat in the chair where she did her needlework with the executioner’s axe in hand. Mary held the axe still between her thighs and with a slow breath slid her tiny wrist along the blade. Her blood poured down from her scars to the axe, then onto her needlework.


i love suicide

I'm coming out

Would I get more followers if I came out of the closet?

I think so.

So,

I'm coming out of the closet.

I'm coming out of the closet as a straight female.

That's right world. I'm straight. whew it feels good to get that off my chest.

Ode to O

Karen O

I want to be her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nrWDu7Wgr4&feature=fvw

confidence is sexy. and she's got it.

i really should be working on some sketches for class tomorrow. oh w hell. and yes i meant to write oh w hell. any opportunity to cuss - i take it. it's how i get confidence

how else do i get confidence?
spirits
no, not aunt kath
i mean suckin back some liquor

jk. i can't drink. it's against my quack doctor's rules.

one of the most fascinating ppl i will ever meet

or never. but i say def EVER. EVER because i will meet him. i know where he lives, i know where he works, i know where he grocery shops, where he drinks, where his wife's shop is, where he plays, where his band mate lives. all i have to do is casually run into him. i know it will be fab.

hopefully he won't be a jerk. or a tool.


ANYWAY - check out what this guy did

Jack White 'Pulls A Kanye' At Toronto International Film Festival

Posted 9/21/09 3:07 pm ET by Gil Kaufman in Music

Before he was on the receiving end of a half-dozen jokes at the Emmy Awards last night, Kanye West got the spoof treatment from none other than White Stripes/ Raconteurs/ Dead Weather leader Jack White on Friday night at the Toronto International Film Festival.

In town to celebrate the documentary "The White Stripes Under Great White Northern Lights," White barged in on director Emmett Malloy during a Q&A session and grabbed the microphone from him.

The Toronto Star reported that White emerged from the wings of the Elgin Theatre stage and blurted, "I'm gonna let you finish, I'm gonna let you finish, but Orson Welles had one of the greatest films of all time!"

Appreciating the riff on West's now-infamous bum-rush at last weekend's VMAs, the crowd reportedly cheered and whooped as White ran back offstage and Malloy had a laugh about the incident.

In addition to being the subject of countless doctored photos and videos, West's stage barge also inspired a similar incident at a Killers show last week in Los Angeles.

Jack White Pulls A Kanye At Toronto International Film Festival » MTV Newsroom



and this brings me to something else -
http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/09/24/white-stripes-offer-rare-look-behind-the-scenes-in-under-great-white-northern-lights/

Eating Gilmores

I miss Gilmore Girls. Lately I have been too busy to watch it. or eat.

but I love the hungry look on me. love the way my stomach indents when I haven't eaten. it makes my clothes look really good. and me.

want to hear something really gross?

ready?

Whelp. this morning I woke up and saw that my mouth was filled with dried blood. bloody blood blood. and down my throat. no nose bleed, no cuts or bite marks anywhere. which means my liver, we shall call him Shelby has decided once again to turn against me.

So in retaliation I had a beer tonight. One measly Coors Light. One goddamn Coors Light. I feel so sick and I didn't even get a buzz. sigh. $4 wasted, $4 that will turn into $100s spent on Shelby.


I saw this band tonight - wonderful! David would have loved it.

5 guys? How? Teach me!

So I was at a party Saturday for Air Force cadets and their families. shout out to my bro - my one subscriber. hahaha (sob) - fyi that is sob as in cry, not sonofabitch. and ps. my parents are pushers. and my grandmother too. my dad bought some beer and offered it to me several times and asked why i wouldn't take it, "because i have a bad liver dad." and grandmama - "we can go to the liquor store and pick up some drinks." "I can't drink, gran"

I was sitting with this young couple - talk about awkward 3rd wheel sitch. and i asked them how they met. The chicky told me the story and the asked the question that everyone hears at family gatherings, "So what about you, are you dating anyone?"

sigh. "No, but I have 5 best guy friends so that..."

"5 guy friends? How?"

"It's a group, and there are girls too, it's not just me and 5 guys." (well sometimes) and if you are confused on who the guys are that would be - Teddy, Bobby, Eric, James, and Matt (not in the group but still). David is also a bestie but he is my bro and that would have been weird in that convo.

"5 guys. wow. how do you do it? teach me."

Her boyfriend then came into the convo "No, dont teach her. I'm not leaving you two alone, I don't want her to know." he was getting up to get her desert.

we proceeded with our convo. chicky - "so how did you guys get to be friends"

"Well we had classes together and some of them lived together roommates and suitemates"

he came back, "If she starts calling me number three I know where she got it from and i'm coming after you."


i think they misunderstood something.

The coin has chosen

Frances

i need advising

should i drop tap dancing

10:05pmSara

k

10:05pmFrances

or stick it out

keep in mind, i suck at counting and i am one of the worst in the class

but to get my money's worth i can take 16 credits

it is only 1 credit

and i don't need it

no one really talks to me in the class

the teacher is good though

but i really suck

and it is early on

but it would be cool to be able to do it

but i am somewhat miserable

but it could get better

but it could not

10:08pmSara

well, it depends completely on how much you weigh each factor

like, if you're miserable in the class and don't need it, i would drop. but that's just me.

10:08pmFrances

i wish i was good at it

i wish i had a friend in it

10:09pmSara

well fran, no one ever starts out great at something

you gotta work yourself up to being great

10:09pmFrances

well everyone in my class but me is

10:10pmSara

well if they're all theatre majors, chances are they've had to do some dancing already so it's probably not something new to them

10:10pmFrances

sigh. i don't know what to do. i feel like it's my last chance. but at the same time it's stressful

but i can take it now and not pay for it or take it later and pay for it

but then i will want it more

may be

will you add the class and take it with me?

10:12pmSara

i'm already at my 16 credit limit

sorry =/

10:12pmFrances

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

10:13pmSara

i would say drop it cause other opportunities will arise to do something like that later

but that's just my input

10:14pmSara

oh and eric is in my recording engineer class

10:14pmFrances

ok. fun sht

10:17pmFrances

i still don't know

10:18pmSara

well... you have 35 minutes to decide before the add/drop period ends

10:18pmFrances

i know i'm passing away

10:18pmSara

passing away?

oh yeah

dying

10:19pmFrances

dying hahah

sigh

10:19pmSara

well. i guess you could always stay in the class and then withdraw later if it doesn't get any better

10:19pmFrances

i am really stressing

but i won't get a refund

and i don't know if i payed for it

10:20pmSara

did you have any fees for the class/

*?

cause tuition covers up to 16 credits. if you have 15 it's still the same prcie

*price

10:20pmFrances

just checked - no i did not

i know

oh god

i don't know what to do

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

10:21pmSara

take a deep breath

you'll be ok

it's just a class

10:22pmFrances

IT WOULD BE A COOL SKILL

i quit a lot of things

i don't like failing

i hate being the worst in the class

and i hate being one of the fat kids

sigh

it sounds cool

but it is stressful and i can't tap

AAAAAAAHHHHH\

10:23pmSara

like i said, no one is perfect the first time they try something

you've gotta have commitment to be good at it

practice a lot

10:24pmFrances

i lack motivation

10:24pmSara

otherwise you won't get any better

hell i forgot everything i learned from my dance class cause i never practiced it

unfortunately i can't motivate you. that is a choice you have to make on your own.

10:25pmFrances

I DON"T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

I NEED HELP

10:25pmSara

we all need help =)

if you think you can muster up the conviction to do this class, then do it. if you're doubting yourself this much, maybe now isn't the time to give it a go

10:28pmFrances

o whoever

aka oh god

10:29pmSara

lol

10:29pmFrances

i feel like i am making a mistake either way

10:29pmSara

because you want to learn to tap dance, just not in that environment. but you don't want to give up, cause you want to dance

catch 22

...ish haha

10:31pmFrances

sigh

10:32pmSara

flip a coin

when all else fails

10:33pmFrances

alright - tails i go

and it was tails

damn i flipped again and it was heads

i was hoping for two tails to tell me for sure to go

tails again

10:34pmSara

you're only supposed to flip it once silly

10:34pmFrances

tails a fourth time

i'm getting out

oh god

but i shouldn't

bah

10:35pmSara

go with the coin

10:35pmFrances

ok. it is very artsy to flip a coin to decide. i like it. i'm dropping

ok i dropped