force an extrovert to be introvert

terrible terrible

i hate being alone

if i can make it though to song kran alive i'll be ok.
maybe not
maybe april is pushing it

i don't like my job, i do love the students. my boss came on to me. and told me i was a bad teacher. what a way to bring down a depressed person, to tell them they are bad at the only thing they do. and to know that they don't have many people to talk to and take advantage of that sux...because you are taking away ppl they know and putting them in a more difficult position.

would i be happy again at home?

depression is a disease of loneliness, and the privacy of a depressed person is not a dignity; it is a prison.

i wish for strength.

always the exception, never the rule

i used to be the most adventurous. now i am among so many amazing travelers. need to spice this shit up. show them what it's all about and become the exception again.

immaculate conception today

inception day?

exception def.

thought

Quite often when I talk to people I don't want to bother being in a conversation so I ask a question that I know will get a long response.

That way I can be alone with my thoughts while they ramble about whatever, I can get away with just staring at a person for a while and not have to worry about being caught staring because you are supposed to look at someone then, and if I choose to listen then I learn very interesting information and gain wisdom.

And soon I will be very wise because I really like doing this.

activities : eating

i don't know what it is, but ever since i ate past full point i don't have a stopping limit. i'm full all of the time so i don't know when i'm actually hungry.

plus i'm bored a lot. so i eat.

and there's no nutritional information...in english. so who knows what i'm consuming.

i just need a week of not eating to go back to normal. that starts tomorrow...tonight i already had an omelet, sticky rice, and 2 japanese pastries, oh and a milk shake. fuck.

what do i do at work

i am working from 7:45 until 5. and i am in the classroom for 3 to 5 hours of that time. so what am i supposed to do with the other time?

well i suppose i should plan for the next lessons, but that takes like 10 min. unless i choose to do an elaborate plan, which i never do because that would lead to disappointment when they don't get it. so i prefer to go in with little planning and be pleasantly surprised.

there are these forms that we have to fill out to record our teaching i try to write slowly to take up more time. and then i have to fill out the online attendance thing when i'm done teaching for the day. that takes 4 minutes, unless the internet is slow then maybe 12.

i have to keep my desk clear, since i failed the first desk inspection. i didn't know they would be checking the drawers and i had loose papers in them. so that takes a little time to be organized.

i give the kids lots of stupid homework so that i will have something to occupy myself - ie take my sweet time grading that shit.

i spend a lot of time eating. we get an hour lunch break, but that doesn't take up enough of my free time, so i walk and get snacks at other breaks i have. and i eat and make phone calls to the people i know will be awake.

with the remaining time i dick around on the internet...when it's working.
i try to avoid fbook since my bosses sit directly behind me in the office.
i look up quotes, listen to http://www.themusiciv.com/the-music-iv-player/, spend some time on cnn, today i just discovered jango and i've been listening to jim gaffigan, i look up teaching plans and activities, read blogs, look up art, read about pop culture. i write emails. i stare into microsoft word at old documents.

sometimes i journal or make lists in my notebook so it looks like i'm producing something. in reality i am making lists of all the bars i've been to and who i went with and what i drank. or remembering quotes from people. or listing what i want my dad to bring me from america.

and then with the remaining time i stare in the distance.

i can write a bar guide for chiang mai

i was unaware i had been to so many bars in Chaing Mai, until it was pointed out to me...

1. Small House
2. One Love
3. Spicy
4. Zoe in Yellow
5. Cafe del Sol
6. Rasta Cafe
7. Heaven Beach
8. The trippy reggae place near zoe
9. Riverside 1
10. Riverside 2
11. the Good view
12. The Brasserie
13. Blar Blar Bar
14. Augus
15. Dukes
16. Pinocchio
17. Monkey Club
18. Warm-up
19. Mo-C Mo-L
20. that one restaurant/bar we went to to celebrate graduating
21. the irish pub
22. the place near tapae gate entrance
23. smile bar
24. reggae bar
25. rooftop bar
26. Barroloco
27. Northgate jazz bar
28. Domdum
29. Danyli
30. Zoe in Yellow Garden
31. ba ba go go bar
32. blues 7
33. guesthouse
34. drunken flower
35. john's place
36. cue ball
37. my home - bar not really my home
38. the hut house place
39. dawan dang
40. 2nd floor
41. chaing mai bar
42. CU Corner
43. Ikko yino
44. The Glass Onion
45. fabrique

this is dream frances

Mally :
Frances

I had a dream about you

It was strange

We were hanging out with Bill at his lake house, you met him randomly while he was filming a movie and he was in Thailand, and you guys became good friends.
And then you really wanted Hot Tamales, like the candy.
And so you got some and wanted him and I to eat them too, and Bill wouldn't cause he said it was too hot and you smacked him and called him a sissy...I just laughed.
Yep and then we watched The Hand that Rocks the Cradle